Mind Your Own Business | TicTalkToe
I had been itching to write a blog post on a sensitive issue that might come as a rude shock to most of you who are reading this, but frankly, I have stopped caring about “Log kya kahenge!” It is out of utter disgust that I resorted to writing a blog post on this issue. And while I write this, I am sure many of you will be able to relate to what exactly I am saying and hopefully there will be a few who will get the message.
Almost eight years into marriage, the most common question that I get to hear is “When do we get to hear the good news?” Hold on, these people are not family or close friends, but are mostly people who have nothing to do with my life! They are also these people who belong to the category of having difficulties in conceiving/have conceived with great difficulty or are not conceiving at all! What is interesting is, my nose has never found its place into their business.
Social media has opened the floodgates to unprecedented access to everyone’s life. This in turn has also given us the perfect opportunity to satisfy our curiosity about what everyone else is up to. While I find nothing wrong in that, one must also be mindful of minding one’s own business!
People have also stopped associating “Good News” with a promotion at work, a new job opportunity, getting a degree that you had always aimed for, achieving a long fulfilled wish, or even winning a lottery out of the blue. “Good News” will always be associated with the news of announcing your pregnancy. People have stopped recognizing the boundaries between privacy and inquisitiveness.
A certain someone had a difficulty pregnancy and did not announce so on social media until she had her baby. Fair enough! But after her daughter was born, she left no stone unturned in satisfying her curiosity to ask me if I am planning one! And remember, we are not even close friends.
Adding to one’s woes, if you put on weight after marriage, it is a different roadblock for you altogether! People start associating your bulging belly with pregnancy. I’ve often wanted to scream at them “Hell yes, I feast on all I want to, and no, my bulging belly has nothing to do with a baby!“
Few days back, someone remarked openly on one of my photographs “I spot a bump“, to which I had to reply “Yes, made of all the delicious mutton, chicken and the junk that I have been constantly hogging”! Another common friend went up to my husband and asked if there was any “good news” in line, to which my husband sarcastically replied “not that I know of“! Her sheer level of desperation was unmatchable. After a day or two, she texted me with the same question and I replied her with the same answer! Get a life lady! Life is beyond asking people about their pregnancy plans!
Whenever I’ve posted cute little baby frocks/dresses on Instagram that I’ve got for expectant mothers, I’ve faced similar questions. “Are you expecting? Is there any good news?” I decided to quietly move on! Hell no….the other time when I got a baby cream for myself (since my skin turned sensitive at some point of time), I faced the same question! “Baby cream, is there a baby in line?” Gosh!
Also in case I post pictures of my nephew or niece on social media, comments will start pouring in “When are you planning one?” What amazes me is their sheer audacity!
While I have evolved with all this around me and can now deal with such comments, I think it is time people start minding their own business. When I started facing such questions, it immediately struck me, What if someone has difficulty in conceiving? What if someone has been trying for years? The unsolicited comments could surely hurt that someone. Have we lost our sense of empathy? Are we so curious, that we have forgotten to differentiate the right from wrong? Let us just pause and think of it for a moment.
Pregnancy is a very personal choice, and my post is not to ridicule anyone, but to tell everyone who is reading this to refrain from commenting on other’s lifestyle and personal choices. Marriage, living in, sexuality, pregnancy, adoption, job, starting a business, these are very personal choices. To each his own. One must not jump to conclusions or make statements, specially on social media which is a public platform. Remember, while your comment might seem just a comment, women are very capable of determining tones which are “out of concern” or “out of sheer curiosity”.
And my message to all those who are struggling with such unsolicited comments, please forgive them and move on. Or next time someone asks you the same old question, please pass on the link to this Blog Post. That should be enough hint!
Whether to have a child or not should be only a couple’s decision. Please stop asking people about “the good news“! Also remember, if someone is pregnant and has chosen not to tell you, it simply means, you need not know it at the moment. Hence, please stop speculating and let everyone live their own lives.
As for me, the next time I am asked this question, I will probably pass on this Blog Post to that person. With that I think, enough said!
Peace out!
This Blog Post was a part of the #LetsBlogWithPri S2
My friend Paushali has written something very similar, so may be you would want to read it. Click HERE
In case you are exploring ideas on Plant Propagation, Rashmi has a post on it. Click PLAN PROPAGATION
Sabiha has some interesting tips on life in general. Do visit her latest post HERE
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I can totally relate.. And I promise, further when people will ask me same, I will pass the link of your blog post!
Absolutely. This needs to end.
Totally relatable. Tired of the ‘good news’ question. Earlier i used to reply sarcastically about some other good news like promotion or new buy, whatever made me happy. Now, i simply move on. In future, this blog post link will be THE answer to them.
Go for it. You’ll find it liberating!
Totally relatable. Tired of the ‘good news’ question. Earlier i used to reply sarcastically about some other good news like promotion or new buy, whatever made me happy. Now, i simply move on. In future, this blog post link will be THE answer to them.
I’ve read Paushali’s post and yours too. This is really a very important topic to discuss. Thank you for your time and consideration.
You are welcome.
Your post is relatable at so many levels. Me, being going through 5th year of marriage face the same question quite frequently and nowadays I simply ignore. People really have audacity nowadays to go ahead and ask such questions. And seriously, professional or personal achievements and growth hardly matters. Pregnancy is the sign of the utmost success. I mean, grow up lady! Unlike you, we have another things to be proud of!
Ignoring is no longer an option for me unfortunately. I will give it back to whosoever asks me henceforth. And so should you!
Ha ha ha very relatable.. even people with a child are not spared.. as soon as you have one they will ask you when are you planning the next one? As if one is not enough!! So tired of these questions seriously. I have also started to ignore and move on to other topics hoping they get the hint😂
But the irony is that they will never get the hint!
I can so relate to this sanandita I am dead and tierd of hearing this…. these feelings are mutual… 5hank u so much for writing this up
Well I had to speak for myself, and now I am so glad I penned this down.
Oh God! I completely agree with you. And these invasive questions are endless. It’s nobody’s business and I don’t understand what it will take for people to understand that. If you are not married it’s when are you getting married. When you are married it’s when are you having a kid. When you have a kid it’s when you’ll have a second one. I have been very blunt with such people in the past because I had M after 5+ years of marriage and I’m blunt now when they ask when I’ll have the second one. No sense of boundary, that’s the problem with people!
Good that you took the route for Being Blunt. I just hope more and more women resonate to this article and learn to speak their mind.
Totally relatable.My sis in law conceived after 10 years of marriage and only she knows her struggle.It is really important for people to mind their own business and keep away from commenting on things they dont have full knowledge about.In fact even on matters that don’t concern them directly !
Even if it concerns them, they should learn to identify when they are crossing the line. As for me, I am tired and fed up!
Kudos for writing this❤️❤️this is soo true..I will pass on this link to people who are more interested in our baby than their own lives. It is purely our decision on when we want to plan a baby..absolutely no one eles’s business!! No one ever asks or cares if we get a promotion at job..are woman just born to give birth to babies??!! Ridiculous how such people still live in this society!!
Ofcourse women are blessed with the ability to bear a child but that is not the only reason why women are born..they are born to do more in life🥰
I know a person who was having problems in conceiving and these questions pushed her to more depression..c’mon of you can’t help people do not hurt them!!you never know the reason why someone is not having a baby!!
Imagine, you just got married and people are after your life! I wish people understand why asking these things is not okay.
I took 10 long years to conceive and I know how it feels. We Indians have this habit of poking purpose in other’s business. You said it loud and clear. Much needed post.
Honestly Debi, I was in two minds whether to publish it or not. But I went ahead with my instinct!
true.. couldn’t agree more with you here.. I wish ppl minded their own busines
We can just hope people are a little more considerate about this.
I absolutely agree with you. Whether you are married for 2 months/ 6 months or 6years, having a child is a couple’s decision and should poking their noses in other’s lives. Many times, during our first year of marriage, I have bern asked by stranger-ladies(friends of mil, etc.) the same question. And I have been so pissed. Why cant good news be any other damn news. For me, my parents visiting me or going to a trip is also a good news.. But ye log aur unki soch… Ufff!!!
So glad you could resonate to what I wanted to convey! Our society is not yet open to hear “good news” in any other form!