Ten things I wish I told myself when I was a new mom | TicTalkToe

Exactly one week to go, before Tara turns ONE. More than anything or anyone else, I want to pat my own back and look how far I have come. Right from being a confused, inexperienced mother, I learnt the ropes from the day she landed in my arms. With zero prior experience and practically no help, I mostly learnt through my own experience. Thankful to those who stayed by and gave me a helping hand. But what made it worse was a bunch of judgmental comments from people who now no longer matter to me!

It started with….

Oh your baby is on formula? Aren’t you exclusively breastfeeding?

Why are you using bottles? Feed with katori-chammach.

What is your baby’s weight?

C Sec mommy? I guess you were too faint hearted for a vaginal delivery.

Why are you back in the kitchen? Why can’t you hire a maid?

Disposables? Put the baby on langots!

How are you holding the baby? Support her neck!

Don’t click photos while she is asleep!

Don’t eat spicy food, baby will have stomach ache!

What kind of name is Nayantara? So old fashioned! The baby will hate you for this when she grows up!

And so on…..the list was never ending and at times I would feel like banging my head on the wall. I owed nobody an explanation, yet their nose always found its way into my business. This went on for a while, till I started avoiding them. I changed my Instagram account privacy settings for a while, and there would be days when I would not post her images on social media, thinking “log kya kahenge“! Till one morning, I finally found enough courage to ignore their judgmental opinion.

Then why am I posting all this now, you may ask?

To create awareness. So that no new mother should hear this. So that old mothers should stop bullying new mothers, in the garb of “being concerned“. Give advice only when solicited. Do not start with “In our times…..“.

Now looking back to the ten things I wish I knew when I was a new mother!

• Breastfeeding isn’t easy. Wish somebody had told me this. Chances are that your baby might not latch for the first few weeks/months. Breastfeeding will hurt. Baby will cry. See a lactation consultant. Refer to latching videos on youtube. Read more about cluster feeding. If everything else fails, do not shy from offering formula. The baby should not go hungry.
• Babies cry, poop and feed a lot initially in the first few months. Be prepared for the fact that things will get better later. They cry usually for diaper changes, hunger and colic pain. Always keep a Tummy Roll on handy for colic pain. Never feed the baby gripe water.
• Have a designated area for keeping the baby essentials so that you don’t waste time finding them. We use a diaper caddy to keep Tara’s diaper essentials so that when she pees or poops, diaper change does not require too much of preparation. Essentials such as a fresh diaper, wipes, coconut oil, disposal bags are right there in the caddy, so that we do not have to hunt around for them.
• Keep your baby’s medicines and prescriptions handy. Remember where you are keeping the vaccination/immunisation charts and the birth certificate. Keep a scanned copy ready. Feed in vaccination reminders on your mobile.  
• Hold your baby as much as you can. The first few weeks are all about warmth and snuggles. Hold the baby close to you, for they shall outgrow your lap soon. Enjoy and savour every it of these moments.
• Click as many photos and videos as you can, and always remember to take a backup. These moments are lived only once.
• Do not be afraid to ask for help. Now that I look back, one of the greatest shortcomings of Tara’s newborn days were that I did not have enough help at hand. Parents, in laws, maid, nobody turned up to lend a helping hand, thanks to Covid. It was only me and my husband. We would take turns in looking after her, but would be totally exhausted at the end of the day. 
• Don’t think about what you cannot control. What has to happen will happen. Worrying about things beyond your control will make you anxious unnecessarily. Instead think of things that you can do instead. 
• Take each day at a time. Don’t plan a lot in advance. Don’t get nervous as you foresee the unexpected. Just take a deep breath and take each day at a time.
• “My baby will always be on cloth diapers. I will always breast feed my baby, no matter what!” Sounds familiar right? After I landed from the hospital to my bedroom did I realise that things aren’t easy. So do what suits your needs. Cut yourself some slack!
• Finally, eat well. Rest well. Afterall a hungry mother can never be a happy mother. I always feed Tara only after I have eaten well. 

Dear new mother,

It is okay if you are feeling tired. Your feet are swelling and your body hurts. It needs a lot of rest. You might or might not feel connected to your little one. This is normal. Focus on what you have in hand right now. Bhalo rekho.

Looking forward to hear from you what is the most ridiculous thing that you have heard as a new mother? Can you resonate with this post? Let me know.